I still remember that day. It was mid-December and I still remember how cold it was. My chest hurt from all the beating and it ached emotionally too. I was just sixteen back then and I stood on the edge of a 24th building’s roof. Tears kept pouring from my eyes and my head spun. All I thought at that moment was, everyone would be better off without me, the world would be better off without me. I didn’t want to die but I did not want to live either. I closed off my eyes and recalled all the memories from my childhood. memories such as “my first kiss, “my first day of high school”, “my first date”, “my first tooth that came off” etc. Just as I was about to lose my balance, I heard someone behind me saying “Hey! you with the ponytail! what do you think you’re doing?”
I turned around and saw a boy in his late teens with a cigarette in his mouth. His eyes were red and it seemed as if he hadn’t slept for days. “what?” I asked, in a low and shaky voice.
“Are you going to kill yourself?” he let out a slight chuckle.
“Yes,” I said, as tears started pooling from my eyes again.
“oh…. go ahead,” he said carelessly.
I stared at him blankly.
What kind of a man was he? I thought. hasn’t he got any sympathy?
I looked away from his cold eyes and looked below me, a city full of lights laid under my feet.
Everything looked so tiny from up here, the houses, the skyscrapers, the people, everything.
“Listen, love,” the boy said, rather loudly.
‘I want to tell you something before you kill yourself.”
I nodded, giving him a signal to continue what he wanted to say.
“I don’t know what drove you to do what you are going to do right now. But I do know one thing is that you don’t seem quite happy right now and that’s okay. As the saying goes “It’s okay not to be okay”. We are human beings and it’s okay to feel things, especially the pain. It makes us who we are. It’s okay to bury your head in your knees and cry until there are no tears left. It’s okay to fight with your demons and inner darkness every day. It’s okay to be numb. It’s okay to cry over that boy who left you for some other girl who’s not even half of you. It’s okay to walk on a road you know is not going to lead you anywhere. It’s okay to write a book even if you know that nobody is going to read it. It’s okay to sing a song that you know that nobody will hear. It’s okay to paint a painting you know that nobody will admire. Just know one thing darling, as long as you’re happy nothing else matters. It’s okay to fail college, it’s okay to leave a partner you believe is not right for you. It’s okay to dream, it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to suffer and its okay to heal with time. No matter what happens, killing yourself is not an option. You still have so many places to go to, you still have so many people to meet, so many memories to make, so many feelings to feel, so many books to read, so many people to inspire, you still have a legacy to make. I said this before and I am saying this again, killing yourself is not an option.”
After saying those words he turned around and walked away from me. He got in the elevator and disappeared.
That day, I lived.
I didn’t know who he was, what was his name was or where he came from. But whoever he was, he changed my life forever. He saved me.