For often when the stars do not align and the path of life looks like the steepest mountain to climb, the journey is so cumbersome that our faith drifts into an endless state of despair and gloominess. The effect is such that self-doubt becomes our greatest weapon that is used relentlessly for self-destruction. There came a point in my life when the tables turned on me or so I felt they did. A year had passed since I had held in my hand, a rejection letter from the college I had invested my time and dreams into. A concoction of feelings overcame me, and my mind became a host to bitter and negative feelings. Wherever I looked the world was abuzz, there were a million voices bringing me down some deliberate others as a part of the ritual. And if at that moment the universe sent light from afar, I did the best I could to dodge it like a bullet, thus becoming a victim of self-pity.
The clock ticked by and the days became months but the agony of the unfulfilled dream had deeply wounded my soul. I knew I had to gain perspective on all my feelings and had to pick myself up in some way because it was hindering my growth. It dawned on me that we feel empty and broken because we do not love ourselves enough and I instantly knew love was the answer, love that you shower upon yourself in all its true essence without any concessions. It goes without saying that love transcends everything. In a world where people benefit from our self-doubt, loving oneself is a rebellious act of courage. It was magically revealed to me that self-love is the best gift you can give yourself. In times when I was drowning in the ocean of grief and pity, it became my anchor. Such was its power that it gave me an immense amount of control which allowed me to push through the negative talking and the dark feelings which enveloped me as I had become a victim of my own thoughts and surroundings. Somewhere along the lines if the world makes you feel as if you are obsessed with the bubble of love that you have created for yourself, the best course of action would be to stand your ground and not flinch. Unless you can’t give love to yourself, how can you expect to spread the love around?
Love is but a light that shines from oneself onto another, and so without self-love, a person so conveniently limits his or her ability to live their life and add value to others. In a time where my mind had become a hub of giving birth to negative ideas and withdrawn feelings, it was love that paved new ways for me. It led me to the belief that happiness would come from within, and there is a way of turning the thorny bushes into a garden of roses. My eyes which had become accustomed to seeing things in the dark now saw them in a new light. Quite surprisingly I felt relief in the pain, in the struggle because I had come to the realization that I am my own knight in shining armour. Finally it struck me that not getting what I wished for was not the reason I had become so dejected, it was the absence of love which I should’ve showered on myself, it was the consequences of entertaining the thoughts that there will be no tomorrow and happiness was subjective to other things and not yourself had held me captive for months in my own body, in my own soul. Swiftly I bridged the distance between myself and the placid reality, I did not spend time in my mind’s confinement anymore but let the positive light shine through me. Loving myself unconditionally led me to discover new avenues.
I learned that we can turn the vehicle of life no matter how bumpy the road. It is mere faith and love that is inside our heart, that weighs down the glitches and difficulties and we come out victorious from the other side of the tunnel. The greatest act of self-love lies in feeding your mind and heart with the brightest and the most constructive thoughts. There will be times when a string of negative feelings would try to meddle with your mind and so in that moment remind yourself, that love has helped you cross all oceans of negativity before, it will aid you through it again. All that it requires is faith and commitment in oneself so manifest the seed of self-love only to make room for more growth. Strength will also come from embracing the pain because in the end what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.