Today, while sitting down near the window on the floor of her bedroom, her bedroom I repeat not mine, I am feeling disgusted again. I wrapped my arms around my legs and allowed the tears to wet my cheeks. Right in front of me is lying, an ungrateful body who is half alive half dead. She again did this completely ignoring me and my importance. Without paying an ounce of gratitude for having me she overdosed the pills thinking that it would kill her. But I am not going to leave her, until she starts valuing me and she can’t be dead until or unless I decide to go away. It’s not the first time. She keeps doing all those things to make me feel ignored, rejected and unimportant.
She thinks I didn’t notice it when she stopped looking on both sides of road before crossing it madly behind her desires. She thinks that I didn’t feel bad when I saw her overdosing the medicines doctor prescribed her and all she got was nausea. She thinks I didn’t feel devastated when she skipped meals to attain weakness. She ignores me and my importance, after all, I am a blessing to her and she should be grateful for having me with her but no, like many others she would never value me.
I hate most of my owners. They don’t value me. They think I am a trouble for them. They think I keep them running and chasing for whatever they want and I keep them hit the tragedies. They think that their journey is only theirs and I am just an object to be cursed. They keep cursing me over little things that go wrong and they never thank me when I prove to be a good fortune for them. Death comes to take me away from them and even though they are willing to give up on me, to disown me happily. I still never leave them you know why? Well, before I tell you the door is knocking, it might be ‘death’ and it doesn’t matter I allow it to come or not it would come anyway to make fun of me. It would ask the same question again and I am tired of staying in their ugly bodies and fighting with death all the time just for them. They say, XYZ is fighting with life and death and they never notice me laughing at them because it’s never the person it’s always me fighting against death.
“Again crying?” death smiles as it enters
“Again here?” I place a counter question as I am serious, unlike her.
“You always try to stay with those shitty people. Just give up” death replies.
I won’t reply this time because it’s useless replying to her.
“Just leave her and come with me” she adds as she grabs my hand and tightens the grip as if this time it won’t leave me no matter what, “come on my dear friend, I am your ultimate destination. There is no object of staying here with people like her. Just stop wailing over her insanity and leave her so that she may know your worth”
“I’ve an object that’s why I never leave no matter how much she and many others try to throw me away like a piece of crap. I am always going to be there” I say trying to explain myself while freeing my hand from her grip.
“And what’s the object,” she asked and I already knew she would ask it. She asks it every time she comes to visit me. Whenever she finds that I am weak and I am feeling rejected and ignored she tries to take an edge of my situation. I know how cunning she is.
“Well explained it to you many times before,” I say trying to choose my words wisely, “Look many times as you said many times this girl threw you away and I came to take you still you never choose me over her so it’s enough of times for you, for her isn’t it?” I am regretting my words now. I was not wise enough while choosing my words.
“No, I mean…” I feel like I am losing it. I just hate talking to her. “Hello! You were talking” death brings me out of my thoughts and I continue, “I mean I am a possibility, I am a chance, I am an opportunity”
“Possibility?” she asks
“Yep, I am a possibility. So, far I don’t leave her there is a possibility that she would wake up and work wonders for the world and this is only possible if I choose to stay” I explain.
“It’s your obsolete practice” she sneers
“What?” I ask
“That, when their very own blood relations leave them alone, when their loved ones leave them, when they lose all the reasons to be alive and when they desperately want me you still never choose me over them. You always choose to stay with them” she says gravely
“I already gave you the reason and it’s not at all an obsolete practice. Didn’t people do great things in the past when I chose to stay with them instead of leaving them? Didn’t the world get leaders, thinkers, writers, philosophers and great success stories? It did get only because I stayed” I keep saying with pride when she interrupts,
“And what about your stay with old people who were thrown to old homes by their offspring? Are those feeble bodies going to invent new ways of electricity production by your stay who want nothing but me?” she simpers. Even though she knows how to get me speechless, today I would tell her I am important by all means for everyone. I just don’t want to feel disgraced like always.
“Those people who can make nothing out of my presence do a lot too. They pray every single day for their disobedient offspring who threw them away to those homes and their prayers are never rejected in the heavens. I stay with them as a choice for their kids that they would return to compensate their doings and many times they did come and they were forgiven only because I stayed” I explain and this time I know she is speechless.
“So you aren’t coming with me?” she asks
“Nope,” I say
“Last chance next time I won’t ask your consent I would just take you from her,” she says
“You said ‘its last time’ last time too. We both know when it’s really last you would never take my consent” I say.
“So what do you think why I come to you?” she asks as if I caught her hidden desire to see me.
“Just, to tease me for staying with her. To make me feel worst about myself so that I may start loving you the way she does” I say looking at the immobile body of my owner.
“You envy me,” she says mockingly
“A little bit… of too… much,” I say biting my lower lip pausing between my words.
“So at least you are confessing,” she says victoriously.
“I never deny facts, why shouldn’t I envy you? When my owner is a human the best of Lord’s creations and still she is too insane to differentiate between blessing and curse” I say expressing my grief.
“Who is blessing and who is curse?” she asks as if she knows nothing.
“Of course I am the blessing and you are curse,” I tell her knowing that she knows very well.
“But, the fact is they all curse you and they all love me at some point in their journey” she adds with a smile.
“But at the end of the day they all fear losing me, and when they see you taking me away they realize my worth” I add
“Due to my company you are getting wiser day by day aren’t you?” she smiles while leaving.
Now, she has left and I am feeling better because I just won an argument with her for the first time. She is also showing a little movement. Maybe pills are losing their efficacy and that’s great. I am totally ready for another round of curse and abusive words because after a few recent tragic incidents she has recently been ragged a big deal at her workplace for an ongoing scandal which is mere falsehood and all she would do is to keep lamenting over all the things that kept happening with her and would definitely try to end me up for I am the biggest trouble for her. I am used to it but I feel sad at times. I would leave her when she would start enjoying me. I just love leaving people like her at this point where they are full of me and they want me more and more.
I love to see them begging for me, to run after me because all through this time I keep watching them running after worldly desires, lamenting over losses and cursing me and when they get it all I leave them because they all keep running before opportunities they never realize that I myself is an opportunity for them whom they never value. So far I am there they can make it work they can reach to their destinations no matter how uneasy and hard their journey is and once I am gone there is nothing, I repeat ‘Nothing’. I love leaving at that point but wisest of them value and embrace me before their journey with me ends.